Waking weight: 142lbs.
My headache got so bad last night I had to stop studying and go to sleep because of the pain. When I woke up this morning it was almost gone, but I woke up in the night and ate about half a cup of white rice and a handful of blueberries without thinking before I woke up enough to stop myself! I tried a ketosis strip today and it was negative, which was disheartening and probably due to the carbohydrates I ate. I was very tempted to go out and angrily binge, but I talked myself down: I want this. I can and will do this. I’m not going to eat more and “start over”. This is it; no more reset buttons.
I went to Starbucks and studied for 2 hours and felt fine, until a guy came and sat down next to me with a giant bag of chips and proceeded to munch so loudly on them till I couldn’t concentrate. It was actually amusing.
I’ve been feeling sad about things in my life this week, and it’s been good for me to be OK with feeling sad, instead of burying my feelings in food. Despite the above struggles, I am not very hungry and feel physically fine. This morning I did 15 minutes of yoga which my body desperately needed, and then watched 25 minutes of motivation speeches. One line that stuck with me was “when you resolve to do something, it’s as good as done.” This fast is resolved. It’s completion is assured as much as if it already happened. The other line that stuck with me was: “when you make a decision, immediately take a step that makes you committed to it’s success.” This blog was that step. Maybe nobody reads this, I don’t know, but when I experience struggle I think “I can report this in my blog” or if I’m tempted to give up I think “I can’t lie to my blog and I can’t bear to fail on it. I must keep going.”
This fast is the most important thing I am doing for myself right now.
With it I am finally taking care of my body and letting it get rid of all the garbage I have been putting into it for the last 6 months.
With it I am showing myself my own strength.
With it I am building my self confidence.
With it I am restarting my life and my relationship with myself.
With it I am training myself to see food as a way to nourish my body, instead of a way to abuse myself or smother negative feelings.
With it I am proving to myself that I am in control, not my hunger or my emotional impulses.
With it, I am turning my life around, one day at a time.