Today has been rough. Detox symptoms continue. I woke up 2 pounds lighter (146), donning some new acne, and my tongue was even whiter than yesterday. As the day wore on I felt aches in my spinal cord again and around 11 am I got a sudden, intense feeling of hunger that lasted till I took my lunch break at 1pm. I thought I would treat myself to an iced Americano at Starbucks to pick me up as I was feeling quite tired from the low blood sugar. I somehow ended up across the street from the Starbucks, walking into the Dollar Tree, telling myself I was going to get their mini pack of gummy multivitamins (justifying the sugar with the vitamin.)
At this point I’m feeling that crazy, out of control, frantic drive for food that I get when I’m about to binge. I swipe the vitamins from the shelf and then decide to go see if the beverage isle has any carbonated water that will help me put something in my stomach to distract me. I go down the isle and don’t see any carbonated water but I do see a zero calorie coffee sweetener which I grab. On my way to the register I see one of my ultimate weaknesses: jars of peanut butter.
OK guys, peanut butter is probably my favorite food in the whole world. I imagine myself opening the jar and just licking a layer of it off. It’s all I want in the world at this moment. My hand moves involuntarily and takes it from the shelf. “I’ll just have like a tablespoon.” I lie to myself.
I’m in line at the register shaking visibly and I look down at my choices: artificial sweetener (junk for my body), corn syrup and gelatin masquerading as vitamins (junk for my body, of which I do not think I would have the self control to only have a couple at this point), and peanut butter, which is definitely breaking my fast. I tell myself “I don’t want to do this. I want what’s best for my body, and this is garbage. I can make it through.” I take a deep breath, set it all aside, and just about run out of the store, shaking my head and saying out loud “walk away, walk away, walk away.”
For the rest of my break I drank my water in my car and watched motivational videos on YouTube. The hunger lessened over the afternoon and my detox symptoms got worse: I now have a pretty bad headache, aches in my spine are worse, and my skin decided to start producing excessive amounts of oil.
I was going to study at a coffee shop but I don’t think I could handle being around all the pastries. I’m at home and I took 2 tablets of activated charcoal. I read earlier today about the benefits of benotine clay not only for supplying necessary minerals but also for removing heavy metals from your body similar to an activated charcoal tablet. I’m curious to try it and might treat myself to buying some and applying it topically later on.
I’m pretty proud of myself for making it, and trying not to be too disappointed that I am only down 2lbs in 3 days of not eating any food. I attribute it to my mineral supplements keeping my sodium from dropping too low. Sodium makes your body hold onto water, and typically at the beginning of a fast a lot of the rapid weight loss is water. I’m sure my body will figure itself out as it cleans up and I won’t be able to help but lose fat. For now I won’t stop my mineral supplementation because I really have had the best energy I have had during a fast ever, and I think this is why. I’m allowing myself coffee but I haven’t even been drinking as much as usual (perhaps why the headache).
It’s Friday, so this weekend I’m going to study and sleep as much as possible. That will put me at Day 6 on Monday, and I hope I will be feeling a bit better by then.